Brad and I had a break thru. Sort of. He has been dealing with a lot lately, I've tried to be there for him, but I can't be what he needs all the time which is a dad. I get it. It breaks my heart and sometimes I get too emotional when I deal just because ya that's my kid so I take responsibility for his happiness. If he's unhappy I'm unhappy. After a long talk I left for a while for a breather, to work out. The whole time I'm thinking about what can I do different/better. I don't know the answer but what came to me was simple. Be happy no matter what, and maybe Brad will follow. Be a strong role model even if I don't feel strong myself. So I'm trying.
I went to the store and got some simple things for dinner. I came home and asked Brad if he wanted to be the "griller". He said sure with a happy excited tone so I think Hurray! We put on some tunes, open the windows up, we grill and I see his mood lifting, he is engaging, he is distracted from his worries, he is slowly coming back to his normal, he has a job to do - we grill some salmon, asparagus and I make a little salad and cut up some strawberries. We eat. We chat. We clean up. I make some yummy peanut butter cookies. We are both in a good mood.
I sit here listening to Beck, the windows are open blowing me in a nice cool summer breeze and I breathe because life is ok. I am grateful for this tiny moment in my tiny life.