so many fish

ok, so I signed my single self up for match.com and I have to say

WOW this is so much fun! There are so many men out there!

I'll have to chronicle my dates here when I go on one. So far there are about 100 men to pick through who have winked or looked or mailed or something like that but there are 2 front runners right now. One a really sweet single dad guy who lives here in longmont-and he's cute and 2nd a really I mean really awesome guy from UK who is brilliant, witty, well traveled, takes photos, seems normal and funny, super hot and oh ya did I mention he is a firefighter...

oh !

Bliss on a bike

I woke up today to a new Brad. The happy silly Bradley that I know and love. The weather today is amazing. Just the kind of day that I love. Brad suggests we go to Javastop. A small coffee shop in town my friends own. So we ride our bikes there. The air was so fresh and misty and cool, for a minute I thought I was in San Fran! The bike ride was great. We rode fast, we laughed and we took a path along the river for part of the way. Coffee was hot and good. We rode back home in the pouring rain. What a great day!

Today

Brad and I had a break thru. Sort of. He has been dealing with a lot lately, I've tried to be there for him, but I can't be what he needs all the time which is a dad. I get it. It breaks my heart and sometimes I get too emotional when I deal just because ya that's my kid so I take responsibility for his happiness. If he's unhappy I'm unhappy. After a long talk I left for a while for a breather, to work out. The whole time I'm thinking about what can I do different/better. I don't know the answer but what came to me was simple. Be happy no matter what, and maybe Brad will follow. Be a strong role model even if I don't feel strong myself. So I'm trying.
I went to the store and got some simple things for dinner. I came home and asked Brad if he wanted to be the "griller". He said sure with a happy excited tone so I think Hurray! We put on some tunes, open the windows up, we grill and I see his mood lifting, he is engaging, he is distracted from his worries, he is slowly coming back to his normal, he has a job to do - we grill some salmon, asparagus and I make a little salad and cut up some strawberries. We eat. We chat. We clean up. I make some yummy peanut butter cookies. We are both in a good mood.

I sit here listening to Beck, the windows are open blowing me in a nice cool summer breeze and I breathe because life is ok. I am grateful for this tiny moment in my tiny life.

wish me luck!!

Congratulations!
You've completed your Job Application
You've successfully applied to the RN ICU position with Longmont United Hospital.


...I know it's a long shot but I had to try. I feel I belong there and well what the heck they just so happen to have 2 job openings right now and I just so happen to feel that change is in the air for me.
Not sure what yet...


:) wish me luck!!

4 more days

Four more days. And I feel like my life will be changed forever. This Friday I get my first RN paycheck and let me tell you how much I need it. I know money isn't everything but I have struggled most of my life and I have learned the importance of everything else. Can money change your life? Yes, it will change mine.
I've waited a long time for this and the past few months especially have been rough. I have been so shit ass broke that some days I wonder how I will afford to put gas in my car to get to work. Have I been in worse situations before, yes, absolutely but having my goals accomplished finally this is so close and yet cannot come soon enough. This will just be the cherry on top. Some say they cried when they got their first RN paycheck.. I think I will too.
I have a lot of things to get caught up on but after that life should lighten up a whole lot. It will just feel good to do things I want to do and not sit around in this house anymore thinking and thinking and thinking some more because instead I will be out living life and I cannot wait.